Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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