how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
