Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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