i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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