Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
