you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
