Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
