Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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