Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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