you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
