So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
