The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
