Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
