As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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