we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
