I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
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