he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Blood and glitter go together right?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
