i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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