wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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