Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
