apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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