i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
