My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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