I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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