My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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