Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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