you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
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