I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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