Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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