he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Pooping to opera.
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