Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
