You don't have asthma, your pregnant
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
