the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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