yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
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I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Houston, we have a squirter
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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