1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
