WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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