Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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