Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
