I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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