tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
should my penis look like a turkey
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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