Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
