Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
