you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
