third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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