I wanna bring you to show and tell
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
