Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
