i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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