I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
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College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
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He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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