WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
