I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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