the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Randomize
