If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
