Fine. I'll sleep in my office
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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