It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
