Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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