The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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