omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
