We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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