you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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