i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
