Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
