this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
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