He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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