If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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