I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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