turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
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