Don't you send me to vm
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
