I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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