Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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