I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
