apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
