drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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