I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
