This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
They are going to name an STD after you.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
